Ethan Kross, psychologist and director of the Emotion and Self-Control Lab at the University of Michigan, has dedicated his life to understanding why emotions sometimes overwhelm us and how we can better manage them. Inspired by his grandmother’s emotional resilience after surviving the Holocaust, Kross explores how emotions work and how we can shape them to improve our wellbeing. His reflections are part of a broader exploration shared in an article by David Robson in New Scientist (May 2025), which brings together decades of scientific insight on the power of emotional regulation.
His book, Shift: How to Manage Your Emotions So They Don’t Manage You, is based on years of research. It showcases a growing field of emotional science, revealing practical strategies like cognitive reappraisal, self-distancing, sensory manipulation, and environmental design to help people control emotional responses.
A long-term study of 1,000 individuals born in Dunedin, New Zealand, shows a strong correlation between early emotional regulation and future life outcomes. Those with poor regulation skills had more legal troubles, poorer health, and signs of accelerated biological aging by age 45. These findings suggest emotional self-control plays a significant role in longevity, financial stability, and overall mental health.
The belief in whether emotions are fixed or changeable impacts how well individuals regulate their emotions. A study from the Hebrew University of Jerusalem demonstrated that students who believed emotions are malleable reported better mental health and stronger social connections.
One widely supported method of regulation is cognitive reappraisal. It involves reframing one’s thoughts to alter emotional impact. For example, when facing a stressful exam, thinking about possible positive outcomes rather than focusing solely on failure can reduce anxiety. Reappraisal can also enhance positive experiences by consciously savoring moments of joy or pride.
Psychologist Christopher Shum’s meta-analysis confirms the effectiveness of cognitive reappraisal, linking it to increased life satisfaction and reduced mental illness. However, many people underutilize it, often due to beliefs that emotions are unchangeable.
Kross also emphasizes self-distancing, a technique that involves taking an outsider’s perspective on one’s emotions. Talking about oneself in the third person or imagining offering advice to a friend can provide clarity and reduce emotional intensity. This strategy fosters closure and can improve conflict resolution.
Music and sensory experiences serve as accessible tools for mood regulation. Listening to emotionally resonant music influences dopamine levels and stress responses, offering immediate emotional relief. Despite its effectiveness, fewer than 30% of people actively use music to regulate emotions.
Other “sensory shifters,” like spending time in nature or watching calming nature videos, also show measurable benefits. These activities can lower cortisol levels and reduce repetitive negative thinking. For example, research from KU Leuven showed that participants watching wildlife documentaries experienced sustained mood improvements.
Anger, envy, and other so-called negative emotions can serve constructive purposes. When felt in moderation, they can motivate change, assert boundaries, or ignite ambition. The key is proportional response. Rather than suppressing these feelings, channeling them strategically can yield positive outcomes.
Avoidance is another nuanced tool. While often criticized, temporary emotional avoidance can offer short-term relief during acute distress. Research shows that bereaved individuals who practiced selective avoidance sometimes reported better long-term adjustment.
Ultimately, emotional regulation is not about suppressing emotions but about using the right tools for each context. With dozens of evidence-based strategies now available, individuals can experiment to find the combinations that suit their unique needs and emotional patterns.
Kross argues that like his grandmother Dora, who seemed to compartmentalize trauma without therapy, people may intuitively discover adaptive methods. Science now gives us a more systematic way to identify and refine those methods.
Emotional mastery, then, isn’t a rigid formula. It’s a flexible, personalized practice rooted in the belief that emotions can be shaped. As Kross concludes, once you learn to identify the emotional state you want to shift, you can choose the right strategy to navigate it.
The growing science of emotional regulation aligns perfectly with the spirit of the HeartMath European Symposium 2.0. From November 6–9, 2025, in Crete, world-renowned researchers, practitioners, and visionaries will gather to explore the connection between emotional coherence and human potential. Book your place now at heartmathsymposium.com and be part of a movement shaping the future of emotional intelligence.
